| Soldier |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|11:31 pm] |
Where they at? Where they at?
the ghetto flow, flowing through right now.. hahahaha.. tipsy? na! just went under the rain! nyahahahahahaha!! i love the rain! hahahahah!
soo bored.. http://tammietailes.blogspot.com |
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| Sick |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|02:47 pm] |
Sniffles and snuffles.
The need to hug my own Mr. Wuffles.
The endless spinning of my head, thoughts and mind.
Eve of absence would never have a positive effect, except the fact that you woulnd't have to put up with noisy classmates and boring lectures. The little attempts of vomit and the gross feeling of sweat and continous change of clothes, suddenly fills the laundry bag with sweaty shirts. Woke up this morning feeling a lot better, but then suddenly felt heart broken the moment i heard the news that my plan wouldn't work. coming to school during dismissal, and attending the first pinoy practice would have to be canceled due to the succesful ambush of fever and colds. Bed ridden for almost the whole morning, the need to fight back was awake, got up and prepared with weapons such as my giraffe pillow and my pillow pillow. Finally made it to my target, I settled down on the couch and popped in espisode 2 of OTH. Naley was indeed the cure i needed. Laugh, laugh. After finding the right one, I watched as Haley sings Let Me Fall. Sudden rush of past comes as the melody plays and enters my ear and straight to the heart. Shit. You again.
With the remote by my side and the continous flipping, finally found the right one. Sitting through Dr. Phil then Tyra. Watching an old man talk about problems of a mother and child, wasn't the ideal show for the day yet it somehow amused me for some reason. Then here comes Tyra, talking about how to get rich with some people who struggled to get rich and obviously succeded. after those two shows the last thing i needed was one more. And so my eyes shut and took a rest. Waking up and the obvious reflex was to switch the tv on again. This time watching two people investigate some homicide and blaming some "evil nun" as they call her, for it. The poor lil boy called arnold was supposedly killed because of behavior and continous cause of trouble and such. At the end they finally finished the puzzle and all the pieces came together. The picture wasn't that bad, infact it was sad. After that room raiders was on, gross bathrooms are such turn offs, and yet they make up for it with sexy tops and cool board shorts, stupid lil pathetic boy.
The simple smiles of Naley, hot commercials of prison break, little boys like arnold and fake coughs in the House of Freaks turns days like sicky sucky to happy yucky.
Back to school tomorrow, woot! woot! or should i say.. whuut whuut!!! again, laugh laugh. |
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| Inlove? |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|06:29 pm] |
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Flying without wings is falling in love... that's why you're falling coz you're lifted up in the air, yet falling coz you're "flying without wings" but right now... i still have my wings one.. looking (waiting) for someone to take them off... |
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| The sorry I owe you... |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|05:25 pm] |
There's this mix inside me. The mix of other sorts of feelings that i couldnt explain. An argument caused by something no one could explain. The apologies locked up inside, afraid to let go of. The pride rushing through me and the feel of chill blowing through my skin. The pride of which I never thought I would end up having and that would secretly cause things to grow bigger. Yet the fact that I was told pride's clinging to me like a helpless lobster, i felt the pain of pinches around me. I didn't matter where it pinched me, its something that could be felt all over. Then suddenly it was gone...
I know there's something i have to say, to you especially. I know someone out there's waiting for an apology and yet i looked past your face. I did that coz i believed you did that to me too. The way everything began made me feel like i was the most pathetic girl there is. I felt like i was nothing and yet friends were there to support me and make it look like i mattered. As i looked at the faces of friends around me, comforting me and making me feel better.. well they tried. I looked for your face then it occured to me that its coz of you that i needed some comforting.. but somehow it was fine with me.
and this word is inside my mouth trying to come out but pride zipped it up... but here it is.
Sorry. |
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| Let Me Fall.. and I said i didn't care... |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|05:28 pm] |
A voice so deep yet so gentle, calling out reassuringly.
The words it said told me it was alright. I could fall.
Either you stay or fall, either way I'll be right here.
That's what it said.
And so I fell.
I fell like I never did before.
Coz i knew I wouldn't have to pick myself up.
I thought someone would catch me.
But then reality swept it all away.
With a flash of lights and a rush of wind.
I saw it all change.
And no one catched me.
I fell once and I fell hard.
Now with cuts and bruises all over me, I'm determined not to do it again...
not for you... but a certain part of me still is falling. and at the end, i'll have to catch myself.
Avoid injuries and stupidity. |
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| in search of truth |
[Jul. 15th, 2006|03:32 pm] |
Looking. Waiting. Searching. Hoping. More waiting. Longing.
One word could change it all.. everything inside.
Climate tops and chilling grounds. I'm certain that I'm not stable.
Every step was one dream shattered.
Every tear was one word voiced out.
On the window side, raindrops left on every inch, every heartache felt.
As the candle flickers, feel of warmth, burning every paper with ink giving you a glimpse of the red ball.
Smiles and popsicle sticks. Lollipops and chocolates. French fries and friends. Hugs and kisses. Cameras and more smiles. Makes everyday without you better compared to days with you.
Even though the pieces that creates the whole you collapsed, shattered and scattered. I myself isn't. So goodluck. I won't lend you my hand coz you never lent me yours. |
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| When the bad gets worse |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|06:36 pm] |
Bad days are bad enough... but there are people who go around constantly nagging and stuff...
its one of those days when your eyes just never stopped rolling.. its like.. a roller coaster...
and when parents just talk and talk and make it look like they know everything about you but you know they don't know a single thing about you... and they make it look like.. trust never comes with your name...
that's when everything just sucks more than the last time... |
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| In case it's true. |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|05:48 pm] |
it wasn't supposed to be this way...
you were supposed to know...
you were supposed to feel it...
you were supposed to make it right...
you were supposed to be that friend i thought you were...
you were supposed to be that person i met...
you weren't supposed to be that way about it...
you weren't supposed to do that.. coz you know how i saw you...
you weren't supposed to be...
a stranger.
that was the first time i ran away from you.
that was the first time i felt scared to talk to you..
to show my face to you...
that was the first time i felt like i don't know you at all...
that was the first time i felt like i shouldn't have met you..
but this isnt the first time i talked to you...
this shouldn't have happened.. but it did...
why am i scared of other things happening?
i shouldn't be...
its coz when other things happen,
i know you're gonna be gone... again.
i know you'll leave...
and you know what happens when that happens... right?
if you still remember...
i was really happy when you told me my letter for you was in your wallet...
the next day... i was still happy...
i was still... jumpin up and down... with a huge smile on my face when i told my friends... only to find out.. she told you she likes you and you told her you might feel the same way too...
it was like crap.. all over again...
you always ruined it but at the same time... you make them perfect...
but i never had those days anymore...
since you left...
since you left... wow.. that's full of crap...
you did.. long ago.. just coz of your lie...
its such a small word... but you know its bigger than that...
you told me liars go to hell... but you... should have told yourself that...
coz i never lied to you at all...
my friends know everything... except for you i guess...
my friends feel it... except for you...
but if you were here right now...
i bet you wouldn't apologize at all...
conceited much...
but in case it's true.. the things my friends say... and know...
i'm sorry... |
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| Fly |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|07:17 pm] |
Sometimes when you fly… you secretly wish you’re far away from unwanted reality…
Sometimes when you cry… you secretly pray for rain…and hide the tears…
And at times when you wish for rain… you’re not exactly wishing for just rain itself… you’re wishing for more… coz rain never comes with just one drop…. It needs a million more…
When you wished for that fairy tale with the happiest ending… you’re actually wishing your life away… coz fairy tales… end the way you want it to… but with life… you’ll never know how it’ll end.. or what will start…
So the next time you dream… hold on to it… coz it’s the world you know you could go back to… coz everything mentioned above… may be something you’ve always wanted… but you know deep inside… means so much more and you know it… |
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| You |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|06:53 pm] |
How come you aske for the things you already lost?
How come you look for the people and friends that already left?
How come you start missing the people you say you never wanna see again?
How come these things come out right after you make sure that you'd never think of that certain person?
The day i locked up thoughts about you.. I thought i would never see them again...
The moment I erased the picture of your eyes from my mind... I thought i would never look at it again...
The moment i made sure that i was definitely wasnt missing you at all... people started telling me about how things could've been or how they could've turned out..
But then things like these makes my head explode...
If i cry tomorrow.. just coz of you.. or this... it might be true...
all along.. it was you.. i've been thinking of...
rashes.. and silence.. always were with you...
maybe right now its safe to tell you... "this is how i spent my summer, wanting you" but maybe it's too soon to tell... but either way.. there's some truth in it... i see it.. and i know you can too... |
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| Baliwood |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|08:24 pm] |
Recording, scenes, funny ones, laughter, glittery costumes, weird dance moves, some more laughter, smiles and twinkly eyes...
things like these make days so draggy... something greater.
A day to remember...
Even though you feel so heavy and that you can't make another move... people around you seem to be cranky and naggy... but they're the people who makes it all fun at the end...
Without people with moods and stuff... the end wont be the same as the one you hoped it would be... coz it ends so much better and brighter... |
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| Superman |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|01:11 am] |
He saves lives... hold up huge things... boulders, buildings, you name it...
He give you the arms you wanna be held in...
He gives you the smile you wanna stare at...
He give you the heart that'll never break.. but its a heart that could easily love...
He gives you the strength no one has... and could never get...
He gives you the power to believe and not listen to a thing critics say...
Coz if you have faith and believe as hard as you dream... you can do it... and he's the living proof...
the way he looks at you with such charm makes me want him more than anyone.. but you know he could never escape the world he's in.. and thats the world of film... he'll always be available to see... to believe in but he's just that.. some guy you see and knows he exists in our world but you know you could never get to find the role itself...
coz watching him tonight was just nice.. you felt like you wanted to be there in the film i mean.. just there to actually see him act.. and somehow.. in some point believe that he's real even though you hear the director yelling.. the crew talking.. but to have the chance to believe in real life coz he's right there.. right now....
he just made me feel like i wanted to experience having that person to talk to me or actually see me.. like the little boy.. i wanna be his daughter! superman's daughter! but just like wanting to be your bestfriend forever.. everyone laughed... |
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| Filipino |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|07:20 pm] |
Every word and every "saknong" meant so much more than what we saw...
who knew such a small word meant soo much more than you ever thought...
it has much more meaning that wat every word literally meant...
its amazing actually how a person could put all the right words together and make it look greater than you think the words do when put altogether...
but then it saddens me that some people are too ignorant to see the deeper meaning of what is shown infront of them...
it annoys me that some people dont bother knowing the deeper things.. and not even caring.. not even looking for possiblities on how they could dig through it get the seed from the flower that bloomed...
coz they're the people who're just darn right satisfied with their lives and doesnt even bother on searching for more meaning and adventure...
if you want adventure, look for one.. coz it wont come to you if you just sit there and wait.
*feeling a lil bit weird right now.. sorry if you find this entry weird* |
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| Plaids and Uniforms |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|04:52 pm] |
the familiar smell of new leather shoes... the sight of that familiar blouse, plaid skirt and neckties makes you want to have summer once again. The exciting screams from every student's mouths.. the familiar faces you were used to seeing around. The hugs and kisses you missed althrough out. The feel of humid air is still running about, then you remember the feel of summer and feel of laziness and sleepiness.
you woke up this morning not wanting to. but then you suddenly realize that this was the day you were waiting for. you've waited for so long to see the classmates you felt comfortable with the last school year. you've waited for so long to get those hugs and kisses for a long time. you've waited for so long to tell all your friends about your summer.. who you were with and things that made you smile...
you arrive with a huge smile on your face.. then you're welcomed with a noisy crowd and all your friends running towards you with thier arms wide open then you're really certain that you missed them too. you look around you everyone talking all at the same time with loud voices just coz she cudnt top the voice of the person beside her. then you say to yourself..."wow, its all back to normal now"
if you think of it... we mostly spend all our time in school with teachers and friends.. summer comes after torture and terror... but after relaxation.. its all back to unwanted things like tests.
but you know that the school year will be interesting coz of the people around you... |
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| Summer Breeze |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|12:37 pm] |
i felt the familiar scent and heat... the familiar hot breeze brushing through my face....
waking up just in time for lunch... lying around... doing whatever i want... the feel of laziness.. and the pleasure of eating every minute... no homeworks to worry about.. no teachers to listen to...
the familiar feel of heat and sweat stayed... long enough to have such experiences that could only be experienced during this season...
the sight of bikinis and sunglasses at every store... the feel of sand under my feet and between my toes.. the hot sun against my skin... the feel of sea breeze blowing through my skirt... yes this was summer.. the soothing sound of the waves taking deep breaths...
this could only be felt once a year and you usually grab hold on the magic it brings... coz the summer breeze gives only one blow.... |
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| ...::Mystique::... |
[May. 19th, 2006|09:31 pm] |
::Mystique::
::For all 1-4 students only!!::
May 26, 2006 Friday
6pm
#40 Cauliflower street Valle Verde 5 Pasig City
costume party!!!
..........tired...dead.....tired............
its one of those days when you feel like you've been running around but really it was your mind who was doing all the running...
hayyyy.... who knew planning a party for how many girls?!
okay.. here's the list explaining why i'm having a hard time... the list describes the type of girls i'm dealing with... trust me, they're not just any other girls!
1. they want every detail planned...
2. they want every thing cool and funky enough for them
3. they're really.. i mean it.. REALLY TAKAW!!! heck?! the two boxes of pizza disappeared with a blink of an eye!
4. they're senioritas.. they want everything to be done na and dont have to worry about it... (not in a bad way! more like in a sossy way)
5. they're sosyal!!! they want lights for dancing... blah blah blah
6. they're boy freaks!! they want boys in the party.. if they wanna save their prince charmings.. i suggest they keep them out of my house coz once my dad lays his eyes on them... they'd be dead in a jiff!
there.. i bet that explains it! im soo tired i have stuff to do tom! i have to go to church on sunday! I have to plan and call everyone from monday to tuesday.. i bet rina's gonna call me again! aaaaahhh!!! heeelllpp!!!! |
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| who's the man? she's the man! |
[May. 16th, 2006|09:07 pm] |
watched she's the man... again.. can't get enough of Channing Tatum!!! he's soo friggin hott! and the story itself!!! may gulay! i love the ending.. and the way they play soccer... may gash! nakakaaliw! it makes you want to take up soccer and play! hahahaha!!! i waaant to!
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we always make this look more complicated than it seems.. but now i'm determined not to make things bigger instead make them look smaller by keeping my chin up smile and only let out tears of joy...
but really, i have something to tell you.. its just that you were one of my closest friends and being pushed away makes me feel so hated... soo... unwanted.. i hate it that we seem so much far away than we really are...
you're here sitting beside me... we're both looking up at the same night sky, wondering who's out there for us.. but little did we know that the person we're looking for is just right there.. beside us... sometimes things turn out this way but sometimes.... time flows so fast and before we know it our distance is as great as the indian ocean... i'd rather have you here beside me and say nothing at all... not ruin the moment and just stare up pretending not to hear my heart beating so fast... but i know there might be a chance that another person could do the same... maybe make me feel better... unlike you |
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| CRAP... huge big piece of CRAP |
[May. 15th, 2006|10:01 pm] |
CRAP stands for...
Coz you just cant deal...
Running away from every problem...
Always there to remind you how pathetic you can be...
Putting up with every piece of shit that comes into your freaking life...
thing dont last that long.. CRAP
you could never feel more pathetic then being pathetic itself.. CRAP!
you could make a thousand years worthwile when you're with that special someone.. CRAP... |
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| back to pathetic-ness |
[May. 15th, 2006|04:11 pm] |
did you ever have those days? when you feel like everything turned upside down.. while you're the only one rightside up and everyone's gone insane while you're the only one in the right mind... doing everything the right way...
when everyone's going the opposite direction when the sign says "one way".. when everyone's talking backwards... lil kids singing the alphabet from z to a?
then you suddenly wake up coz reality bit you and you realize it's better to stay in the weird world rather than putting up with crap in the real world?
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did you ever have that feeling? when you really want to have that precious moment with that someone you like or perhaps love? then when you finally get it you wish that that moment will never end?
but won't it be better to have that special moment with that someone and have it end... coz you know that your life long dream finally came true? yeah... i think so to...
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i never knew that such great confusion existed.. but i finally discovered that it does coz everytime i think of you... comes this really HUGE confusion that i could never ever figure out.. but anyway... life was so much better when i never knew YOU existed...
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so how was mother's day? wasn't it funnn???? i spent it with my mom and my cousins and their mom! hahaha! and of course our lola.. haha.. we ate lunch outside.. and then we went to eastwood... watched MI 3... (cool! i also spent it with Tom Cruise! without Katie dangling on his arm like an annoying tissue on your shoe! about time he let go of her! hahaha!) i swear.. the tomkat relationship makes me wanna hurl! hayy... kulang na lng si Katie pa yung leading woman nya eh! but that would be MORE nakakasawa! hahahaha! the movie was great! i loved it!!! the theme song was stuck in my head after and i was like making a gun out of my hands after the movie.. and posing like a Charlie's Angels wanna be! sooo pathetic (once again)... it was soo funny!!! watch it if you havent! hahahaha!!!
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pathetic-ness... you gotta get used to it once it dwells in you.. it makes you let go of things you never had to in the first place... you'll realize that once you really let go... then things you do want to let go.. sticks to you like an annoying tissue on your shoe... same thing goes with the feeling of pathetic-ness....
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i am the wind that blows through trees
i am the water that makes the leaves ever so green
i am the fire that burns every evil that comes near
but really? what am i?
did you ever wonder if what we think we are, are what we really are?
did you ever wonder if we were just tiny spects in this huge world... but really... there's a bigger world that exist beyond our reach? what if the universe as we know it, is really a big black dot in a picture hanging on the wall of some other creature's home?
what if the reflection on our mirrors are really the real people and in some parallel universe... we're attached to some other creature that by chance, we see each other in every reflection.. magnetized by something?
what if inside our bodies arent really blood and organs and stuff.. instead they're red liquid that pumps us up everyday... something like gatorade?
but whatever it is we really are... we still have life... sigh.. life, you gotta love it! |
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| Happy? |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|05:55 pm] |
its when you smile... with teeth showing and shining... not caring whether there's veggies in between... its when you breathe the day with a great smile.... its when your eyes shine... its when you say.. "hello! sunny sun shine!!!" its when you start freaking everyone out... its when you laugh about anything... its when you smile while you just sit there... its when you recall every experience that meant so much to you... its when you live to love... its when you feel great inside and out.. its when you dont care about anything but the way you live life... its when you keep your optimistic self going.. its when you feel like everything will never go wrong... its when you suddenly get scared of hearing people shouting at each other.. its when you have such strong feelings inside.. its when you feel weird and giddy....
but then at the end something/someone ruins it.. you then snaps back to reality.... coz reality bites.. literally! |
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